I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
