Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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