U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
