you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
