You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
