every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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