Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
