there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
