Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
