I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize
