had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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