cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i dont even know how to be here
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
