Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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