I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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