Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
