I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
