you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
