She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
