she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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