Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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