How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Randomize
