he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
