At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
did you just send me my own nude
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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