I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
