I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
