I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
