So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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