Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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