I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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