then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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