would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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