I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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