Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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