There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
