1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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