did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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