I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Your cock deserves a montage
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
