This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
