I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
