Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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