like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
