Your mouth is God's brothel.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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