I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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