She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
