mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
