did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
my shit smells like andre
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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