ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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