Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
