omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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