I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
