so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
