I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
