Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
