I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
